Some years back I wrote about Father’s Day gift I wished somebody made. I was talking with a couple of local outdoorsmen earlier this week and they recalled that article and wonder if I could do more. Well, here goes…
Father’s Day is this Sunday. There are lots of nice gifts on the market to honor your dad, and I’m not knocking them. They’re great and they are given with love and appreciation for all the good things dads do throughout the year. It is just that they….well, they sometimes leave a little to be desired.
Dad will “appreciate” whatever he gets, because that’s the way dads are. He will like and probably use the new digitally controlled weed sprayer. Even the glow-in-the-dark, leaping walleye neck tie that you obtained through the Ely; Minnesota Chamber of Commerce’s lucky drawing will be appreciated by your dad on Father’s Day.
What about those items that dads really want? Where are they? We live in a society so technologically advanced that we can invent Teflon so things don’t stink to pans. We can even figure out how to get the non-stick Teflon stuck to the pan. Pretty technical stuff.
If your dear old dad just happens to be a fisherman, then here are a few ideas I am certain he’d like to have. Just one minor problem…….no one has invented them, yet. I imagine that these products would be big sellers around Father’s Day, if you could find them:
Plasma Arc Filet Knife – I want a pocket-sized light saber, kind of like the one Obi-Wan Kenobi carried with him in Star Wars. I want to be able to clean, filet and fry my catch all at the same time. A few deft manipulations of the wrist and you’d have a complete fish dinner prepared, hot and ready to eat. Something like this would also be a really neat to hang over the edge of the boat at night to attract crappie. During the day it could be used to keep jet skiers at bay.
Shin Sonar – I really need one of these. A device that vectors you away from your trailer hitch in dark garages, on boat ramps or any other time you loose track of the hitch while digging around in the back of your truck. This device is essential for the angler who also has young children. By avoiding the bashing of your shins, you will also maintain your composure and your tongue. No need in expanding the children’s vocabulary any sooner than it will be on its own.
Bait Separators – Speaking of kids, this device would clearly and obviously segregate the bait you stored in the refrigerator overnight from actual food and leftovers that the family might possibly try to consume. This device would probably be a bright orange color, maybe have a small alarm system associated with it that would alert anyone who picked up the bait as to its real contents.
This item would greatly reduce stress in the family. For example, night crawlers would not cause wives to become unnerved when looking through Tupperware containers while trying to decide what else to add to the table for dinner and throwing suspect containers at their husbands. It would also go a long way toward remedying the problem of teenage boys swooping down upon the refrigerator like a plague of locust and then complaining later about the odd tasting whole grain noodles they snacked on.
Hover Shoes – in the event that you take a misstep off the dock at 2:30 am or slide off the end of some precarious perch you’re trying to fish from, this invention will safely lift you across the water and automatically to the nearest shoreline. As soon as these special shoes detect water they would instantly activate powerful jets in the soles that would enable you to quietly hover mere millimeters above the surface of the water. I haven’t quite figured out what would happen if you hit the water headfirst?
Boat Ejector Seat – just like in the James Bond movies, you could easily rid yourself of a fishing partner that has lost his or her appeal. For example, after they’ve caught their fiftieth fish and continue to tell you what you’re doing wrong and why you can’t catch a fish. You get the picture. A simple press of the button and you could launch your partner back to the marina.
That’s about all I have time for right now. If you know any inventive souls out there, put them to work on one of these ideas. Make Father’s Day really special.